As the saintly virgin that I am, I am pretty sure I am allowed to wonder what sex will be like for the first time. During my exploration on the Internet, you know, to find out more about safe sex, I came across some pretty strange things. And when I say strange, I mean unusual, creepy, disturbing, and just down right awful things. Somehow, I stumbled upon some odd animal mating rituals. There are some really weird creatures out there and we should be lucky that we reproduce the way we do. Here are 3 strange animal mating rituals you should be glad are not universal:
3. Red-Sided Garter Snakes
Red-sided garter snakes take orgies to a new extreme. When they are ready to mate, a large number of male snakes find a single female snake. When the female emerges from hibernation, several males slither on top of her; forming a “mating ball.” Sometimes the “mating ball” can get really scary for the female snake. Male snakes will sometimes cut off the female’s oxygen supply. As you can guess, this is not a pleasant experience for the female and they can not wait to get away. I would tell you to imagine what this animal mating ritual would be like for people but I’m not. That would be a nightmare and an image you’d want to gouge out.
2. Honey Bees
When queen bee is ready to mate, she takes flight and is accompanied by a dozen potential mates. You would think these dozen bees would feel special for being picked out of the thousands of other options, but I’m pretty sure they don’t. Or at least they shouldn’t. While mating with the queen, the genitals of the bachelor bee erupt. I repeat they ERUPT! Gone (I guess that wouldn’t matter since they’re dead now.) That is like winning The Bachelorette and you finally get married. Then, you have sex and your penis explodes. I do have to say that this animal mating ritual may help with population control. Immature guys wouldn’t be so eager to stick their prick into anything and everything that moves.
1. Giraffes
This is probably the most disgusting animal mating ritual I’ve read about. Male giraffes jab the female giraffe’s rear end to make her urinate. Wait for it, it gets worse. The male giraffe then tastes the urine and if it taste good to him, he purses the female. By pursue, I mean follow her around until she caves because he’s super annoying. So, the drinking urine thing is some weird fetish that some people may like, but not this guy. Also, this animal mating ritual makes guys look really desperate. True, some human guys are, but let’s not make it a unanimous thing…
My innocent virgin mind was not ready for all the weirdness that I stumbled upon. We should be very happy about the way we approach sex. There is consent involved, unlike the mating ritual of red-sided snakes. Your private areas stay intact. And you don’t have to drink bodily fluids. Now, when you have a horrible date or sex isn’t as good as it used to be, remember that things could be a lot worse…
Isn’t nature amazing? Atmoph allows you to bring it with you wherever you go:
3 Strange Animal Mating Rituals You Should Be Glad Are Not Universal
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